Raíces: Rooted in Faith, Familia, and Friendship

Recent life experiences brought to me a new place in my Christian journey.  I began to experience in a very real way the deconstruction of my faith.

Deconstruction has become a hot-button word that brings out a lot of emotions.  I had no idea that it was polarizing when I had a conversation with another Christian about the fact that I was in deconstruction mode.  I understood it only in my context: a time to re-examine what I knew about Christianity and the church so that I could discard things that weren’t meant to be part of the experience. I was treating it like a purification process.

The look on her face was at first horror and then fear.  Shoot, she scared me for a minute.  She shared her view that it was a dangerous place to be because you can walk away from God.  She was concerned about dishonoring traditions.  I did a little research, thinking maybe I was using the wrong word. 

Nope.  I was right.

To make a long story short, the process of deconstructing faith is an individual one.  It starts for different reasons, the goals are different and the results are widely varied.  For a good introduction to the concept, I would recommend this article “Five Real Reasons Young People Are Deconstructing Their Faith”, found at this link -> https://careynieuwhof.com/five-real-reasons-young-people-are-deconstructing-their-faith/ And yes, I am young.

There are some who may deconstruct and conclude that they want out of Christianity.  For me, I simply wanted “out” of junk that complicated what it meant to follow Jesus.  Many things have been added to my understanding over many years.  I was only now realizing that a lot of it had nothing to do with loving my Savior.

In my particular process, I understood that I had become too dependent on church figureheads as tethers to my faith and even to my worth.  This is wrong, wrong, wrong.  I believe it’s important to be in community.  I believe that people are called to lead and that the folks in those positions deserve honor. 

If you are committed to a particular church, I do believe you should come under the pastoral leadership there.  This is why it’s important to get a decent handle on a church’s culture and the character of your pastor before you subject yourself to it. That being said, you can learn so much from both great leaders and those that are not so much. 

One of the big things I had to unlearn about Christianity was my understanding of judgment.  Critical and harsh judgment gives birth to fear.  If we’re always trying to figure out what people are doing and assuming the worst, then we’re afraid to connect and afraid to be authentic. It also puts fear on the people who may have wanted to approach you. 

I have also come to realize that I have no desire to be seen as a “really good Christian”.  What does that mean to you?  For me, trying to live up to that label meant I had to diminish my flaws, hide my doubts, and release so much of my individuality.  Instead, I’d like to be an authentic Christian.  A person who can share about the things she has learned in life because she can admit to how many mistakes brought about the lessons. She can identify and demonstrate God’s grace and love in all situations. She can ask questions!

In my deconstruction, I examined what it meant to me to participate in a church.  I’ve always been taught you have to give your everything.  Though this was not vocalized, I saw modeled many who were involved so much to the point of exhaustion.  Sometimes, even to the point of illnesses.  I lived that for a while myself and realized: this is not the vibe.

I do believe that everyone has gifts, and they should use them to the best of their ability for the Kingdom.  Some of us are blessed to be good at multiple things.  If you have the energy to be in multiple places, God bless!  We need to be careful, however, that we aren’t active in everything everywhere. 

First of all, God’s people need rest.  It is divine!  It is necessary for recovery on all levels.  Find rest and get it good.   Second, even if we do well in multiple areas we can’t do anything well if we are juggling it all.  Because I am sometimes sidelined by illness, it’s much better for me to focus on one or two passions and provide intense support there. 

Third, we need to leave room for other people to try!  There are so many people who are exploring their own calls and wanting to be useful.  They need open and available opportunities.  If we’re honest, at times our desire to be in everything can be rooted in pride more than it is a desire to be a help.    

I’m happy to share that I am not interested in walking away from my relationship with Jesus.  Deconstruction for me continues to be a healthy process to simply wipe away crud and self-defeating behaviors.  If you are in this process with me, don’t let anyone make you think it’s bad.  It’s good to periodically examine what you know and question if changes might be in order.