Raíces: Rooted in Faith, Familia, and Friendship

“Mejor sola que mal acompañada. (Better alone than in bad company.)”

Many parents have aimed this advice at their child.   It’s often when they express displeasure in the friends surrounding their teens.  The angst of adolescence can cause us to reject anything coming out of our parents’ mouths that even remotely sounds like a life lesson.  Our parents may have known something about the time they grew up, but our time is different, and their wisdom no longer applies.

It’s a silly stance for a young person to take.  How often do we come to realize that while fads and trends come and go, wisdom is constant.  Its relevance rarely expires.  When we are blessed to have a good parent who deeply cares, we also recognize how often they were right.  There is something very right about the popular phrase above.

I’m not sure what precipitated it, but I have always despised being alone.  It felt tedious and boring.  Sometimes when my emotions were heightened, it also felt sad and terrifying.   If I wasn’t with family, I wanted to be with friends. Big groups and parties were great, but I would also do just fine in an intimate setting, sharing secrets with a good friend.  So long as I had someone to pass the time.

The problem is that life will do what it does, and your preferences are rarely considered. You can be suddenly slapped with a solitary season, and it will knock you on your behind if you refuse to embrace this as part of life.  If you, like me, have difficulty appreciating solitude, I’m here to tell you that it is good and necessary.

I learned a lesson that is captured in the graphic I created above: lonely does not equal alone.

Lonely is a feeling.  It can easily overwhelm you.  It can be somber and depressing.  I know when I was feeling lonely, I would look out at my surroundings for any connection or encouragement no matter how it came.  This left me open to relationships that didn’t bring the best to my life.  These were sometimes toxic and abusive connections.  It weakened my view of myself and crushed my resolve in moments of desperation.

Alone is a status indicating that you are one, a whole number.  Being alone is often a spiritual necessity.  It facilitates moments of detox.  It allows you to take stock of your goals, progress, and resources.  It’s also a great time to get ready for a new endeavor. 

When I learned this, I found my understanding of what made me tick was strengthened.  In my case, it also strengthened my relationship with God.  I was able to begin to manage anxiety and find peace and beauty withing a multitude of environments.  I also gained a greater appreciation of myself which made me more effective in almost anything I set out to do.

How you experience times of solitude is absolutely your choice.  You can live in the emotion of loneliness and feel inundated.  You can allow immobility to take over, choosing to stay stuck in a rut.  Or, you can choose to let it refresh you. A shift in your perspective will bring vibrancy to your mind, emotions, and spirit.  You might even begin to practice isolation on purpose.

Being alone unburdened me of so much baggage that I was carrying.  While I’m not currently in that particular space, these things are cyclical. When the season comes back around next time, I will treat it like a rest stop on the road.  I’ll take the time to stretch my legs and empty myself of any waste I accumulated.  Then, I’ll grab a fresh coffee and snack before heading back on the road.