Raíces: Rooted in Faith, Familia, and Friendship

I saw this featured image on Facebook with the caption: “Your friends matter!”  If you don’t know the reference, this is one artist’s interpretation of the story found in Mark 2:1-12. 

That story in Mark 2 paints the picture of a paralyzed man who wanted to get to Jesus.  Four of his presumed friends carry the man on his mat and when they arrive, the place is too packed to gain access.  Listen, when I show up somewhere and there is no parking, I will U-turn out of the parking lot and back home so fast!

Anyway, these folks are not like me.  They are undeterred and decide that if they can’t walk in, they will find another way.  They proceed to cut a hole in the roof and lower the paralyzed man into the house, right in front of Jesus, the Bible says.  Not only did he receive healing, but he also received forgiveness for his sins.  He was instantly made new inside and out.  This is a beautiful story of determination, unity in purpose, and shared faith.

I have recently heard a couple of sermons at home and other sources that have touched on the importance of “good friendships”.  The preachers would indicate that I, as the listener, must invest in such relationships.  That I must prioritize connecting with people who are like-minded and who will encourage me in the faith.  I should find people who will “do life” with me as we walk this road towards Jesus together.

Y’all.  I must confess I couldn’t have rolled my eyes any harder.  The City girl in me may have also turned up one side of her mouth and pursed her lips together.  That’s that “yeah right” face.

You see, I had good friends.  I had a tribe, a squad.  I had some friends I counted as sisters that were walking in faith with me.  We prayed together.  We cried.  We kept each other accountable. We laughed and rejoiced in the miracles God was doing in our character and our homes. Still, one day, it was all gone.

My husband and I transitioned away from the church we were in and unfortunately, that precipitated the ending of these relationships.  I couldn’t anticipate the quickness of the change or the depths that this hole left in my life.  This is why when I hear admonishment to “get friends”, God knows I immediately look up to Him and remind Him that regarding those specific relationships, I’m not alone of my own accord. 

What do we do then, when the decision is out of our hands?

You can certainly decide that you’ve had enough.  You will not put yourself in a position again to be hurt or used.  To be left.  You can build up strong, thick walls around your heart that rival the walls of Jericho.  You’ll go to church and love Jesus, but His people are not to be trusted wholeheartedly.  You may find yourself side-eyeing anyone who tries to get close to you, questioning motives and “discerning” all the red flags.

You can also take a deep breath and dive back into availability.  You can prayerfully open up to new people that are trying to reach out to you.  You can accept that people are as imperfect as you but it is far better to try to connect than be alone with your stinky thoughts.   If some of these folks turn out to be superficial or disingenuous, this is not a sign that you should’ve stuck to your gut and remained aloof.  We must either believe that God uses ALL things for our good or we think that verse in Romans 8:28 does not apply to us.  There are great lessons in the failed attempts that we miss if we don’t try.  I have learned so much about myself because of the relationships I lost.  I am still very much learning.

When Jesus left this earth, He established the Body of Christ.  He gave us the church.  He made us a part of something greater.  We truly do ourselves a disservice if we do not plug into this network. Are you willing to allow someone to open the roof of your heart to get access to the Jesus inside of you? Again?

So, this post is for the person who is alone but not by choice.  Find your healing.  Release your forgiveness.  It’s not that we’re not all bad.  We really are.  However, in receiving the love of Jesus, there is a newness that makes us worthy of loving each other.  Girl, this awkward phase of trying to be a friend might last a while.  Let it.  Resist the urge to control the process of your healing.  Control may be part of what led you to be in this solitary space in the first place. Only God knows what led up to the unfortunate circumstances and if you keep your ears open, He will tell you exactly what was involved and how to set all those things right.

I’m not all the way through it yet.  I simply wanted to poke my head up and say that the journey is proving itself to be worth it.  I am meeting some wonderful women in this new season of my life at the church that I’m in now.  Only God knows how those relationships might progress.  I’m serving with some great ones, as well, on the worship team.  I am coaching myself to enjoy the little moments that bring a smile to heart.  To accept those moments at face value and not consider what could be.  I no longer want to plan what I think should be, either.  I want to make room for God to do whatever He wants to.

Getting back to the Facebook image and those sermons that caused some visceral reactions, none of what I received was incorrect.  If the Bible is true, then the only thing that needs to keep changing is my heart about the situation.  God knows the person He made me to be and that my face often speaks loudly even when my mouth is closed.  I did say my lips were pursed.   I thank Him for grace when I have these kinds of responses, because I already know it’s an indication that in this area I still need the love of Jesus to teach me.  The wonderful thing about me is that I’m not afraid to dig in and be taught!

To all my old friends that stayed as well as those that have moved on, to the new friends that are making themselves known and for all my would-be amigas: I love you and appreciate your contribution to my growth. Lo agradezco igual los abrazos y los cantazos.