Raíces: Rooted in Faith, Familia, and Friendship

We find ourselves exiting and entering metaphorical doors throughout life, don’t we?  We’re either inviting people into our space or accepting invitations into the rooms of others.  Sometimes, we are fortunate to be in a shared space of friendship or family.  If you make your way somewhere, it stands to reason that at some point you may also have to exit.

In Matthew Chapter 10, Jesus gives a list of instructions to his disciples on how to do what it is He was asking of them. These instructions were how to be His witnesses and carry His message. How to preach, travel, show grace, and keep themselves free of impropriety.

In verse 14 of the instructions, He says to them that if their message is not accepted, they should move on from that home or town and shake the dust off their feet as they leave.  In those times, wiping the dust off your feet signified that you were no longer connected with that person or you refused to be associated with that location and all that it entailed.

This verse came to me during a time of prayer in which I felt that I should apologize to someone.  However, I understood that God was telling me I should not (in this specific situation) offer an apology but should instead “wipe my feet” of the relationship. 

I thought this was harsh and didn’t feel quite ready to do that.  The Holy Spirit reminded me that I had already offered an apology. Twice.  Both were emphatically rejected.  My people-pleasing ways were at it again, wanting me to bend and contort to prove to another person that I was amenable and worthy of their affirmation.  God stepped in and assured me I did what I could, but I should now move on.

I made my peace with this decision that I didn’t have to keep saying I was sorry.  However, I was still standing in the doorway of this situation.  If I had already apologized, then I felt a fitting apology would be owed to me at this stage of the process.  Oh, and it would be nice if relationships impacted by the situation were restored.  At the very least, I felt I was due some kind of recompense. 

It took some time, but I was constantly reminded of the image of wiping my feet and one day, I finally looked right at it, like: “WHAT, already!?”  Despite my initial willful ignorance, I understood that I was having a disconnect about something deeper.  I was missing the point.

Around this same time, I was working on my pride.  I’m not a prideful person in ways that some may think of it.  I am not conceited or carry myself as if I’m greater than others.  Because of that, I didn’t think I had to deal with issues of pride.  But again, as He often does, God was beginning to show me the sneaky ways that it can pop up.

In this case, one of those ways was waiting for things that I thought were owed to me.  Like apologies and honor and restoration by the hands of other people. As if that would be more valuable than the ways in which God could bring those things to my life. The nerve of me.

When the disciples were instructed to walk away in a place that they were not accepted, essentially the understanding was that they would move on and not look back.  “Why was this?”, I asked myself.  Is it because the people who rejected their message should learn a lesson?  Were they to perceive the disciples’ departure/absence as a slight and feel some type of way about it?

Let’s be honest.  Many people are not rejecting us specifically or knowingly.  They simply may not agree or understand the ways in which we live our lives.  In our sensitivity, many of us choose to see disagreement as a rejection.

Other times, we may in fact be the target of hurtful people.  In cases where we are targeted, most of those people do their damage and move along their merry way.  They may not even think twice about us after they have left us lying on the ground. 

When I choose to stay stuck in a situation, as the saying goes, I allow people to live rent-free in my head.  The square footage of my mind is expensive so I cannot afford to give it away for free, especially when the situation does not bring me life.

As I kept rereading the text, I finally understood what was in those instructions that I needed to grasp.  The disciples, like me, needed to move on because there was more work to do.  Because there was somewhere God wanted them to be that was more important than spending energy in a place where the people already rejected them.

I saw it clear as day.  God needed me to be somewhere else.  Emotionally.  Physically.  Spiritually. I, however, was standing in this decrepit and hurtful doorway, refusing to leave until someone paid me what they owed me. (Read Matthew 18:28-34 for more on that kind of repayment.)  The more I was ignored, the deeper the hurt ran and the stronger its roots.  I chose my pride and the fact that I knew I was wronged over my healing.

Once you see something and are aware of the truth, it’s so difficult to carry on as you were when you were ignorant.  I repented in that moment of believing that my plan and my needs were better than the good things He had planned for me. 

An apology would have been right to receive but, at the end of the day, it wasn’t owed to me.  Instead, I needed to spend my energy issuing forgiveness even when the person wasn’t seeking it.  I had to do what Christ did for me.

When I mess up, even if I didn’t mean to, I think it’s important that I apologize.  Misunderstandings can grow to something so big when a simple “I’m sorry” could squash it in an instant.  This time around, I needed to also know that I shouldn’t keep bashing myself against a rock to prove to someone that my regret was genuine. 

My advice to you: if you know you were speaking from a repentant heart but the apology wasn’t accepted, do yourself a favor and move on from that place.

Closure may yet come for you and for me.  We simply need to understand that it doesn’t belong to us and that our preferred timing may not be best.  In spite of that, we still need to prepare for the reality that sometimes closure does not come.

We should never stand in a doorway to wait for it – for years in some cases! – wasting precious time.  If it doesn’t come, I choose to live my very full life, pursuing great passions and being a good person to the rest of the world.

We may not be able to choose the things we experience. The power lies with us to choose how we process it and what we learn from it.